Different Me

     Who am I? Do I actually know the answer to this question? Maybe.

     We all act differently when we are by ourselves and when we are in public, like in school, at work, etc. Maybe it is just human nature.

     All of us try to show the best of ourselves to other people, we dress differently, we do our hair, girls put make up on... Besides appearance, we talk more appropriately, we behave more gently...

     Me?

     I think to me, the biggest difference is the appearance. I do not really care about how I look at home, but once I stepped outside of my door, even it's just to get mails from downstairs, I need to do hair, dress up, etc...

     Other people may see me love food, love doing works. It's partially true. I do love food, and doing work, but when I am at home by myself, I won't actually cook, or not even thinking about what order, and Im kinda lazy when I'm at home.

     Not too long ago, I learnt a new meaning to the word "fake", which could describe people that " who falsely claims to be, feel, or do something ", and I realized that we have the similar word in Chinese. 

     How?

     The difference between how the world see you and how you actually are, may cause by various reasons. 
          - One of the most important reasons are, you are only exposed in public for certain time during the day, but you are yourself 24/7. And in most cases that period of time is the "golden" time, maybe you just feel like dressing up.
          - The pressure from the world/the society. Everybody judges, and some people enjoying doing so. When you are judged, sometimes you just accept the sentence, and start doing the things other people feel good. Deep inside your heart, you may not accept or agree with that, but you are still doing that for the sake of survival, or just to "gain respect" from all the "judges".

     We are all different when we are exposed in the public, it is normal, and it may be good.

Lost Star - Adam Levine

      That's the song that helps me cope.

(Lost stars by Adam Levine)

    
      I love music, and I had a band. I remember when we were rehearsing for our graduation ceremony, one of us played this song. I play guitar, and the rhythm this song is mainly made up of guitar, more specifically, acoustic guitar. Suddenly I fell in love with this song.

      After awhile, I was on the subway home at night, alone, I listened to this song, quietly. All the sudden, I felt the magic of this song, not only the rhythm, but also the lyrics. I feel like the meaning behind the lyrics is pretty deep, from surface, it seems meaningless. But after listening to it repeatedly, I realized something, and that's something can not be expressed by language. 

     I learnt to play and sing this song. Ever since, when I am tired, frustrated, I went to this song. 

     This song has its movie, after watching the movie, I became obsessed with musical movie, especially this one, not only giving me wonderful music, but also inspire me, make me a better person.

     I think the magic of this song, even the music in general, is they are the expression of certain motion, beliefs, or opinions. Everyone shares some of the same motion, and listening to it at the right time is just like expressing yourself; expressing you anger, or your happiness.

     Song uses its lyrics and rhythm, to turn this kind of motion into something that you can actually listen to, and you can share this kind of motion to other people that you think may be in the same situation as this song(or you). That's why I think Lost stars, and songs in general, helps me to cope, to turn the negativity into positive, or just make me feel like someone's with me, and agrees with me.

Bluebird

     According to Google, "symbolism" means: the use of symbols to represent ideas or qualities. I think it is the when author uses some objects that are close to us, that are accessible to the majority of people, to express opinions or motions that authors want to tell us.

     In this poem, the symbol is the "bluebird", and I think here, "bluebird" represents the ambitions that grows deep inside of heart. They are the things that we have been dreaming of for a long time but which seems impossible to achieve.

     I think everybody has their unique "bluebird". As mentioned above, the bluebird represents our ambitions, which may seem to be hard to pursue, but we never forget about it. It has always been difficult for us to decide if we should release the "bluebird", and put thoughts into action. We hesitate because we know we may fail, and we may be embarrassed by other people because of the failure. One of the easiest examples are when I have crush on a girl, I always hesitate if I should start to ask her out. Every time when I am in that scenario, all the possibilities went through my mind. And for the most part, I chose to wait, and "only let him out
at night sometimes, when everybody's asleep." 

     Our life is made up of all those self-conflicting, we are always not sure if we should let the bluebird out. When we actually do, sometimes the bluebird reaches its destination, of course, sometimes it couldn't. In terms of larger "bluebird", it might change our life. For example, for careers, we have to decide between the ordinary route and our actual ambition. Different choices lead to different result, the ordinary route usually grants a secure and stable life, but you may not be happy; and choosing to pursue ambition, you may not be as successful as you expected, but most likely you are happy doing what you do. It's just like the choice between "practical" or "dream".

The most beautiful woman in town.

PPT: https://docs.google.com/presentation/d/1_EGYayjFnrn0gYNCmWhj0a3_Y6xJ_pSbmX_XPDtXE9Q/edit?usp=sharing

In the story, Cass did a lot of stupid things because people accuse her of being pretty.(“People are always accusing me of being pretty. Do you really think I’m pretty?”) And she hurt herself several times by “running long hatpin through her nose”, driving pins under her eyes, trying to cut her throat, and lastly, committing suicide.

People always tell themselves and sometimes other people to not to care about what other people say. But in reality, we are all under the influence of other people, sometimes we even care about the joke that your friend told you. And we start to act differently, different from who we truly are, just trying to be the “perfect” one from other people’s perspective.

We only live our life once, and sometimes we have to do something that is “required”, like going to school. AS Nobody would ever know when he/she will be gone, it could be 80s, it could be now, so the first priority is to live your life wonderful, and make yourself happy. With the pressure from outside, you can hardly find the peace in your heart, because “other people” will always find something on you that is not perfect, and they will zoom out your weakness until they break you. Btw the suicide rate in Canada was increasing by around 11% each year in the past 5 years. Just like this pic says (...), we dont have to take shit from other people, if you think you are right, then your right!